Because It Can't Be
by storming-wolf
Summary: 15 year old Spencer Reid commits suicide. For a few days, it seems as if it is, but it can't be, right? He promised JJ he never would do that to her, right? JJ/Re a little H/P and M/G.


**_Spencer Reid._**

**_What can I say, I love this boy. We met our 8th grade year and it was love at first sight. Neither of us told the other until recently. We opened up to each other where we shared our secrets. He told me everything about his life, how alone he felt until he had be. I told him about my older sister who took her life when I was 11, 4 years ago. He knew I was against suicide and talked to kids at our school who had suicidal thoughts. He said he could never do that to me._**

**_Today, he didn't show up at school. I didn't know where he could be, so I sat through my first three classes before I left during lunch to his house. I walked into his bedroom and found him, dead. He...he hung himself from the ceiling fan and...and..._**

"I can't do this," I cried to my counsler.

"Its okay Jennifer," Ms. Latterdale said.

"No its not!" I yelled. I picked up my bookbag. "I don't want to talk about this, don't fucking force me to do it!" I stormed out of the guidance office. I ran into a picture of Spence. The picture that showed him holding his drumsticks from when he went to DC for his snare drum solo. I ran from the picture. He's not gone. He's sitting in Mr. Joseph's class right now, tapping a random beat with his pencil since he already memorized the lesson for today.

I ran into a poster with his yearbook picture on it. _Rest In Peace Spencer Reid. October 9, 1981-November 14, 1996._

"He's not dead," I cried. "He's not dead. He's not dead." I repeated as I walked to the study hall. I glanced up and for a breif moment saw Spence flip his hair out of his face and smile at me. I looked up and saw an empty chair. _Spence, stop playing jokes...come back...come back Spencer!_

"JJ?" Penelope said.

"He's not gone. He-he promised that he would never do this to me!" I cried. Penelope pulled me into a hug and took me into the auditorium bathrooms.

"I don't want to believe he's gone. He can't be...Pen, he just can't be!" I cried.

"I know its hard, we all miss him," Penelope said.

"And I hate how everyone pretends they knew him and were his best friend. Do you know how many people have his name written on their wrist? And how many sickos keep asking me how he did it?" I cried.

"JJ, you need some time away from this place. We may be grieving the loss of a friend, a class mate, a fellow musician, but you're grieving the loss of the boy you loved. The boy you gave your everything too," Penelope said.

"I just want him back," I cried. Penelope saw my wrist.

"JJ, you...you," Penelope said.

"I couldn't help it!" I said, covering my cuts with my sleeves.

"JJ, you can't do this to yourself," Penelope said.

"It makes the pain go away," I said.

"You need help," Penelope said.

"No one helps Pen," I said. I left the bathroom and left right out the back doors of the school and started my mile long walk home.

_"Its freezing," Spence complained._

_"You didn't have to walk me home," I said. He gave me a smile as the moonlight reflected off the blanket of white fluffy snow on the ground. Spence held my hands as we reached my house._

_"I've been trying to say this for a while Jenny. I...I never knew when was the right time to say it, but this seems perfect," Spence said. "I love you Jennifer Jareau."_

_"I love you Spencer Reid," I said with a smile. He leaned in to kiss me..._

The memory hit once I reached that exact location. I raced into my house. I had to be with him again. I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the first pill bottle I saw...

* * *

><p><strong><em>"Don't!"<em>**

_**"JJ! Stop!"**_

Aaron held me as I cried. Derek called an ambulance and Emily comforted Penelope who was crying.

"I want to die! Just let me do it!" I cried. I had taken 5 of my brother's migraine pills by time they showed up. Aaron held me as I shook from crying and the overdose starting to kick in. I heard sirens in the distance before everything went black.

**_Beep. Beep. Beep._**

Its all I heard as I woke up. There was a police officer talking with my parents and a doctor who was asking me questions I was ignoring.

"Jennifer?" the doctor said. "I'm Dr. Thomas. Do you remember what happened?"

"Yeah, I was too late to stop Spence from committing suicide, so I tried to overdose," I said.

"And you've been cutting," Dr. Thomas said. I nodded.

"He made a promise he'd never do this to me," I said.

"Jennifer, there's something you need to know," Dr. Thomas said. "The medical examiner said there are signs that Spencer was in a fight before he died.'

"He doesn't fight," I said.

"That's why these officers are investigating the murder of Spencer Reid."

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>In memory of Spencer Melvin<span>_**

**_I wish you didn't go the way you did, but you will never be forgotten Spence._**


End file.
